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The Gentlemen’s Guide on What Not to Get Your Wife for Christmas


#10: A Vacuum Cleaner


The only possible way to make this a cool gift would be to give the hands-down coolest vacuum cleaner of all time... which I’m afraid hasn’t been invented yet and probably never will be, considering that there is pretty much only one thing to do with a vacuum... which is vacuuming.


#9: Socks



Nothings says you didn’t try as much as socks.


#8: Sweatpants



Even if she likes them you run the risk of coming across as "Merry Christmas, Fatso!"


#7: Gag Gifts


Gag gifts aren’t funny. To anyone. Especially your wife.


#6: A Magazine subscription to Field and stream, Sports Illustrated or Shooting Today.


Even if she likes sports, you’re like in trouble for this one.


#5: Pets, But Especially a "Grow A Frog" Kit


The only way this makes sense is a white elephant gift for a neighbor you don’t mind losing.


#4: Donations to Charity


Noting like making your sacrificial gift that costs somebody else.


#3: A cleaning kit.


Just because it was boxed doesn’t mean it s a gift.'

#2: Christmas Decorations



It says you waited until the last minute and bought the first thing you saw inside the door at Wal-Mart.


#1: Red Glassware

I learned this one from my mom. (I had given her a lot of cheap glassware one year. She never used it, and I never knew what happened to it.)

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