world-famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers.
Hi. Now you say something.
Hi, I’m not home right now but my answering machine is, so you
can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
Hello. I am David’s answering machine. What are you?
Hello, this is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine just
eloped with her tape deck, so I’m stuck with taking her calls. Say, if
you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it
up to the phone.
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their
carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not
need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and
number and they will get back to you.
This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-
recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for
calling and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your
Hi. I am probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like.
Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.
Hi, this is George. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now.
Leave a message, and ...
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