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MAN-SPEAK


Men don't always say what they mean.

When a man says "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN."

He means: "I have no idea how it works."


When a man says "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD."

He means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."


When a man says "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

He means: "Are you still talking?"


When a man says: "IT'S A GUY THING."

He means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."


When a man says "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

He means: "Why isn't it ready yet?"


When a man says "OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

He means: "I have probably severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt, so get over here and help me!"


When a man says "I CAN'T FIND IT."

He means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hand, so I'm completely clueless."


When a man says "I HEARD YOU."

He means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you'll not spend the next 3 days yelling at me."


When a man says "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC!"

He means: "Oh please don't try on one more outfit, we're late and I'm starving."


When a man says "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

He means: "No one will ever see us alive again."


When a man says "I don't think I can go today."

He means: "Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, I am never going to think of it that way."


When a man says, "I DON'T REMEMBER SAYING THAT."

It's because he means: "Anything I may have said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all past comments become null and void after 7 days."


When a man says, "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT."

He means: "If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one."


(From a sermon by Jim McCutchen, More Men Like Moses' Daddy!, 6/17/2010)

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