Text Illustrations

1. You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.

2. Your back goes out more often than you do.

3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.

5. You’re proud of your lawn mower.

6. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

7. You sing along with the elevator music.

8. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

9. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

10. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

11. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

12. You answer a question with, "Because I said so."

13. The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.

14. You take a metal detector to the beach.

15. You know what the word "equity" means.

16. You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

17. Your ears are hairier than your head.

18. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

19. You got cable for The Weather Channel.

20. You’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started.

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