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But first a chance for you to laugh a little once again with my top twelve common words as redefined by parents with children.

12. DUMB WAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

11. DEFENSE: what you’d better have around the yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.

10. STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

9. THUNDERSTORM: a chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.

8. TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

7. FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when a baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots, green beans, or spinach.

6. TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

5. VERBAL: able to whine in words.

4. WHOOPS: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge".

3. GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

2. INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything just the way we told them to.

1. OWWAH: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

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