Contributed by A. Todd Coget on Mar 19, 2003
[If Sermon Offends Thee]
A preacher came to the breakfast table with a cut on his cheek.
His wife asked him what had happened.
He replied that he was concentrating on his sermon while shaving and cut his face.
Contributed by A. Todd Coget on Mar 19, 2003
A pastor and his wife were driving to visit Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas.
Their daughter asked the inevitable question, “Are we almost there?”
The father said, “No, we are still 150 miles away.”
She asked, “Well, how long is that?”
“Well, honey, it’s about three more
Contributed by Victor Yap on Mar 20, 2003
It’s been said that the six most important words in communications and human relations are “I admit that I was wrong.?Counting down, the five most important words are “You did a great job.?The four most important words are “What do you think??The three most important word are “May I help??The two
Contributed by Sermoncentral on Apr 5, 2003
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.
"In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
"However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double
Contributed by Sermoncentral on Apr 9, 2003
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, and one of the applicants - who was not known to be the brightest academically, was called in for an interview. "Okay," began the sheriff, "What is 1 and 1?" "Eleven," came the reply. The sheriff thought to himself, "That’s not what I meant, but he’s
Contributed by Jonathan Busch on Apr 13, 2003
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk.
WOMAN: "Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s
Contributed by Donnie Martin on May 1, 2003
“Don’t complain and talk about all your problems—80 percent of people don’t care; the other 20 percent will
Contributed by Jerry Flury on Jul 9, 2003
A young woman went to her father’s farm to pick up a horse trailer. The father advised his daughter that before she took the trailer out on the highway she had better put forty pounds of air in each tire. Attaching the trailer to her pickup truck, the daughter drove the trailer over to the air
Contributed by Chris Hodges on Jul 28, 2003
Consider this short poem entitled “Power of Words:”
A careless word may kindle strife
A cruel word may wreak a life
A bitter word may hate instill
A brutal word may smite and kill
A gracious word may smooth the way
A joyous word
Contributed by David Insell on Jul 29, 2003
A popular preacher once said of his pulpit efforts, " I always roar when I have
Contributed by Lynn Floyd on Sep 22, 2003
A doctor goes to a party one night and sees one of his patients out on the dance floor with a beautiful woman. The doctor goes up to his patient and asks, “What are you doing?” The patient responded, “I’m just following your advice!” “What advice?,” the doctor replied. “You told me to find a hot
Contributed by Richard Tow on Sep 23, 2003
I’m careful of the words I say
to keep them soft and sweet,
I never know from day to
My Fair Lady, Eliza is being courted by Freddy, who writes to her daily of his love for her. Eliza’s response to his notes is to cry out in frustration:
Words! Words! I’m so sick of words!...
Don’t talk of stars
If you’re in love,
Contributed by Jeff Simms on May 21, 2003
In front of our own church, our church sign has been tampered with. Today, on it is the phrase, “Jesus Loves You”. Kids recently jumbled up all the letters and made it read other things. I placed it back in correct order and found 6 letters missing. I think a christians life is to say to others
Because he had grown up just outside New York City a young pastor barely knew a cow from an ear of corn. That is, until he married a small town country girl from Ohio and traded spaces. Trading New York City for a small rural community, the day of his first sermon he tried very hard to fit in--
Opening Video Illustration: Mr. Holland’s Opus
Our scene opens with the principal and vice principal questioning Mr. Holland’s use of rock music in his music appreciation class. Mr. Holland defends his teaching methods and says he will use whatever music he can to teach his students to love
Contributed by Sermoncentral on Aug 4, 2004
The story is told of a minister who was full of energy and enthusiasm for the Lord. One day he went to the hospital to visit one of his parishioners who was critically ill. The minister entered the room and saw the man lying in bed with a whole host of tubes and wires attached to his body. Without
Contributed by Joe Fornear on Oct 12, 2004
A rookie baseball pitcher who was struggling trying to get his pitches over the plate, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him. "I’ve figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always seem to lose control at the same point in
Contributed by Lou Nicholes on Jan 18, 2005
Knowledge is exploding at such a rate—more than 2000 pages a minute—that even Einstein couldn’t keep up. In fact, if you read 24 hours a day, from age 21 to 70, and retained all you read, you would be one and a half million years behind when you finished. How can it be, in a world where half the