" Sex: Something Good Going Bad"
2/21/97 Proverbs 7:6-27 1 Corinthians 7:1-7
There is probably no other group in America, that has the testimony of the power of God working in a race of people for deliverance than do we as African-Americans. Our parallels to being lifted out of slavery and coming out of Egypt is very similar to that of God’s people in the Old Testament. There were a lot of people who died unknown deaths who were brave enough to speak against the Egyptians long before Moses arrived on the scene. In the same manner, there were many black men and women, who were beaten and murdered, for opposing white supremacy long before Dr. King and Rosa Parks became known among our people.
James Weldon Johnson makes it clear, that we did not suddenly decide to change things and they were changed. We came by a way which was literally filled with weary years and silent tears. We came treading our paths through the blood of the slaughtered who had dared to and demanded to be treated like human beings. Lynching didn’t stop us. Raping our women didn’t stop us. Water cannons and vicious police dogs didn’t stop us. Bombing our churches didn’t stop us. Jim Crow laws with all their dehumanization of us as a people didn’t stop us. We kept our faith in our God and He sent us a deliverer. One who said, "I have seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, but we as a people we get to the promised land."
We as a people have come to the place for which our fathers and mothers sighed. If the slaves of yesteryear could see us today;. If our great grandparents could see where we are today; If those who only knew segregation could see where we are today. I believe they would shout hallelujah, praise the Lord. But even James Weldon Johnson was afraid of what might happen once the shackles of oppression were lifted from our shoulders. He said Lord, "Keep us forever in the path we pray, lest our feet stray from the places our God where we met thee. Lest our hearts drunk with the wine of the world we forget thee."
My brothers and sisters, too many of us have arrived at the gateway of the promised land, and chosen to get drunk with the wine of the world, which has enabled us to forget about God. The glorious freedom God has given to us has somehow gone bad. There is an enemy out there which is doing for more damage than the dogs which were biting us, causing far more pain than the ropes which lynched us, and robbing us of far more wages than the slaver drivers ever could.
The misuse and the abuse of one of God’s gifts is the greatest problem that we face as a people. Sex, which was intended for God as something good, has been twisted into the destroyer of our people. In our drunken state, we have believed we could ignore God’s law for the use of sex, and use it in any manner that we please.
The greatest cause of poverty in the African American community is not racism today, its sex. When a teenager gets pregnant and has to raise a child alone, that child is going to need some of the resources of the family to survive. If the teenager drops out of school, she’s stuck in a minimum wage job or on welfare for years to come. Stuck in poverty. Do we expect the teenage father to drop out of school to support the child? Where is he going to be stuck, but in poverty with no education.
When a man has a child by this woman, another child by that woman, and two more on the way, that’s four families that he needs to financially support. Most of us don’t earn that kind of money. But even if we had the money to take care of each child, we could not begin to be a father to each child. One man has produced 4 families in poverty financially, emotionally and spiritually. When after 25 and 30 years of marriage, one partner sees someone else that’s more attractive and takes off on the run to satisfy a sexual urge and divorce sets in, one of the members is left much poorer than before the divorce.
Sex is doing us in because we have chosen to believe what the world says about it, than what God says about it. Picture this. Boy meets girl and each find the other attractive and they want to know each other better, so they set aside an evening . Do they talk and discuss? No. They spend $13 to sit side by side in a movie theater and stare at the screen. On the screen Boy and girl find each other attractive and they want to know each other better, so they set aside and evening. Do they talk and discuss? No. They remove their clothes and have sex to the sound of romantic music going wild with pleasure. The movie has a happy ending.
After the real life movie, boy and girl still want to get to know each other. On top of that their hormones are roaring. The movie has told them, "Sex is a great way to get to know someone." They look each other deeply into each other’s eyes and have sex in the car. Boy thinks girl is easy. Boy dumps girl. Girl wonders what went wrong."
The ages change to now boy is a man and girl is a woman. Man tells woman he’s looking for a woman who truly can understand him. Woman is looking for someone that she can plan her life with and commit herself too. Man wines and dines woman with gifts and dinner. Man tells woman she’s the greatest. She invites him in when he takes her home. Man talks about how she’s what he’s been looking for all his life. Woman does not want to lose this sensitive man. She has sex with him and gives it her best shot. He tells her she was great, but that he’s not ready for a commitment yet. He goes home, she wonders why he never calls . The address he gave her is that of a pizza parlor. She wonders how she could have been such a fool.
We are told that sex is one of the basic human needs. That’s why it’s unrealistic to think that teenagers won’t do it or that single dating couples won’t do it or that two people in love won’t do it. First of all, sexual desire and sexual temptation has nothing to do with your age. Abraham was having sex in his nineties, and Elizabeth was pretty old when she had John the Baptist. A 19 year old can burn with the same lust as a 99 year old. Sex is not a basic human need, it is only a desire to have something.
If you were on an deserted island with no fresh water, and the next ship would not be coming by for 30 days and something was coming toward you on some wood, would you rather it be man or woman of your dreams, or a 30 day supply of fresh water.
What does the Bible say about sex. First we know that sex was God’s idea. There’s nothing dirty or unclean about the word sex. Parents you ought to be talking to your children about sex because everybody on TV, video’s and movies are, but they’re not telling them the truth. God created Adam and Eve with sex in mind. In the very first chapter of the Bible it says that God told them to be fruitful and increase in number. The only way that was going to happen was through sex. After God told them this, the Bible says God saw all that He had made and it was very good. Sex started out as something that God intended to be very good.
It’s so good that God starts to talk about it again in chapter two of Genesis. He said, Gen 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
In these two verses God gives us the manual for finding the ultimate satisfaction in the sexual experience. Since God created sex, it would follow that God would know the most beneficial way for it to be used so that it would help and not cause harm. How did God intend for it to be used in the African American Community. God says that you know you are ready to have sex when just two conditions are met.
The first condition is that you are to be financially independent. Notice the verse says you are to leave mother and father. If your parents are still taking care of you, you’re not ready to have sex. After all, if you cannot pay the bill to take care of yourself, how in the world can you take care of a child. The choice to engage in sex is a spiritual decision. Am I doing this with God’s blessing. It is also a financial decision. Can I afford to pay whatever costs may come as a result of my decision.
Do you have $5000 to pay for the hospital bill in case mom or the baby is ill? Do you have money to pay for the raising of a child? Do you have enough money to continue to become what God intended for you to be even though a child may be brought into the world? Are you mature enough to run your own household so that you don’t need to bug mom or dad to take care of you? You see God never intended for us to have babies and be dependent on the government or other family members to take care of them. It’s not fair to say, what I do is my business, and then expect others to have to pay their money for what you call your private business.
Sex is expensive. Men why are we so stupid when it comes to sex. We will spend a week trying to decide whether to spend $300 on a new suit, and yet will decide in five minutes to go for a woman we barely know, and risk paying $100,000 or more in the next 18 years in child support payment for a feeling that lasts about 4 minutes. Women why risk giving up college scholarship money in which you may end up with Dr. in front of your name, to satisfy a guy who may not be back, with you ending up on welfare and needing
God says okay if you’re financially ready, the second thing to do before having sex is to be "united to his wife." Ask the question, "Am I married to this person." If the answer is no, you’re not ready. Again you don’t know the consequences of what’s going to happen when you have sex. If you get pregnant, is the other person going to be with you for life, pressure you to have an abortion, let you know he’s not ready for a long term commitment.
Feelings of love may be strong, very strong, but they are no substitute for a marriage. There is no such thing as partial commitment. Partial commitment to one thing means there is a greater commitment to something else. Commitment is like being pregnant. You either are or you are not. There’s no such thing as being pregnant a little bit or a whole lot. Feelings are going to come and they are going to go. Marriage is more than a just a piece of paper. Marriage is a decision to put this other person’s needs ahead of my own. Two people in love with each other very much will never be the same as two people who are married to each other in the eyes of God. God will always allow two people who supposedly love each other to walk away when they see problems. He does not give that option to two people who are married.
Why does God look so strictly at how sex is used. God does it because God knows all that happens when we take life long commitment out of sex and only go for the pleasure aspect of it. Sex for pleasure sake causes more heartache, more broken homes, more ruined lives, more diseases, more pain, more people feeling abused and used, more abortions, more absentee fathers, more angry kids, and more social problems than just about anything. Our misuse of sex is destroying our families and the fabric of our community. We have this unbliblical notion that if two people love each other, everything about sex ought to be all right.
God had something more meaningful in mind when he created sex. God said sex is to be something good, without any bad consequences. Adam and Eve were able to stand naked before each other and naked before God and the Scriptures says they were not ashamed. Sex isn’t something to be done in the dark as though God will be tormented if He sees you. God’s view is that sex can only be good, if its used in the way He created it to be used.
Sex was designed by God to a personal pleasure relationship between a husband and a wife. Sexual intercourse is to fuse and a husband and wife into a complete one flesh unit so that they are locked together sharing in the most intimate of ways. Sex is to bind a husband and a wife together in a life-long relationship. God is well pleased when a husband and a wife engages in sexual activity in the way He intended because they are serving God in so doing.
God never intended sex to be used to get somebody. That’s nothing more selfish than using another person’s body for your own intent. There is nothing about sex making love. Sex does not make love any more than swimming makes water. The only water you swim in is water that’s already there. The only love that’s found in sex is the love that was there prior to the act.
God has given each one of us a reservoir or fountain of love that’s to be shared only with Him or to a person to whom we have committed ourselves to in a life long relationship. As long as we are single, our bodies belong to the Lord and no one but God has the right to use our body. When a person gets married, his or her body belongs to his or her wife when it comes to sex. The bible tells us that..
When ever we take from someone’s reservoir by having sex with someone other than or wife or husband, we’re committing to acts of theft. First we are taking something that we have given to God, and now we are giving it to someone else for unrighteousness. Second we are robbing that person’s mate or future mate from something that rightfully belongs to him or her.
God sees that in sex an exchange is taking place. What’s taken away cannot be put back in. In sex we are joined to another body. We are committing prostitution in God’s eyes when we go and sell ourselves to another person for any price. Be it the price to let them know how strong our feelings for them are or to receive some kind of a gift. How many people were foolish enough to give themselves last week for Valentine, only to have had the other person drop them by now
Youth you need to obey your parents rule of no one is to be in the house when they are gone. Most teenagers that get pregnant do so in their own homes. If you truly love someone, seek to bring them closer to the Lord. Don’t offer a gift that may have consequences that neither of you can control and one that is clearly outside of God’s will for both of you. Sure God will forgive you if you do, but God will not remove the consequences. As long as we avoid evil, we control our future. If we engage in sin, sin makes the decisions for our lives.
For those of us who are married, God tells us in proverbs that we are to drink from our own reservoir alone and that we are to be satisfied with the body of the person that we are married to, and that person alone is to captivate us with his or her love. People jump from person to person because it is a lot easier to keep moving on in search of a sexual thrill than it is to build a loving, caring relationship in which the sexual part of it is not only pleasurable but filled with depth and meaning. Sex is only as going to be as rich as the relationship between two people is. Contrary to what people think about young people are the ones that truly enjoy sex, those who have committed themselves to each other for years, and been faithful to each other have a much more rewarding sexual experience.
For some reason we are more influenced by what’s said on Oprhah and Rikki Lake and the soap operas, than we are by the word of God. Sex is not something that you have to have to be fulfilled. Jesus lived the most fulfilled life that was ever known and he died a virgin. He was just as much a man as anyone else that had 25 kids.
Many say, well if two people really love each other, then it ought to be okay. If two people truly love each other, then let them get married and show they’ve committed themselves. Engagement is not married. Many engagement rings are used again and again to get somebody into bed with the giver. We act as though strong feelings for another person can set aside the word of God. It does not.
God has said sex is for two people to enjoy who have untied themselves in marriage and made a life-long commitment to each other. We say sex is for two people to enjoy who have fallen in love and have an exclusive relationship with each other. Our view is based on feeling, God’s is based on commitment. Our view centers on pleasure as long as they like each other, God’s view is centered on two people completely sharing a lifetime together.
We even say, why would God give me these feelings if he did not want me to do it. There are three other sources of feelings in the world. One is the devil, another is the world, and another is our own selfish nature which wants to please itself. We do things not because the devil made us do it, but because we want to. God tells us to guard our hearts and avoid falling in love, God tells us not to take fire in our bosoms, God says run as fast as you can from sexual temptation. We say, I can handle it. Then blame God when we discover that we couldn’t handle it.
Sin is so much more acceptable when pleasure is involved and those we love is involved in it. The word of God tells us in 1 Cor 6:9-10 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
The word states that anyone having premarital sex, extra-marital sex, homosexual sex, and any other kind of sex that is not with one’s husband or wife is not going to inherit the kingdom of God. We can call it strong feelings for another person, we can call it love, we can call it whatever we want to call it, but remember that God calls it sin. In the new testament the sin of homosexuality is just as bad as sex between a man and a woman or a boy and a girl who is not married.
Some don’t want to include homosexuality in the list because they say, they were born with those feelings. I believe most homosexuals are born with a tendency to love men or women. I was born with a tendency to want to have sex with girls whether they were my wife or not. I was born with a tendency to want to commit adultery. There’s nothing sinful about being born with a tendency. It doesn’t become sin until I act on those feelings which I still have. All of us are born with a tendency toward one sin or another. Some were born selfish, some born more inclined to lie, more inclined to fits of anger, and more inclined to steal. Being born with an inclination toward sin is not a justification to engage in the sin, it’s simply proof that we all need to be saved by the power of Jesus Christ. God said if you do these things, you will not inherit the kingdom of God. We say, well so and so really love each other, and they are very nice people, so I don’t see anything wrong with it.
The only problem is that when they stand before the judgment seat to give an account of their sin, they won’t be standing in front of you or me, they will standing before God. God knows that we all have feelings, and he knows that many of us have been involved in the behaviors, but the word of God said some of you were sexually active, some of you were adulterers, some were prostitutes, and some were homosexuals, but that God washed you, sanctified you, and justified you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
It doesn’t matter what you were, what counts is what are you now. We can wait for sex to destroy us as African Americans or we can put it back where it belongs and that’s in the marriage bed. God says in Hebrews 13:4, Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. It’s not enough just to be in love. If we want to stop the casualties, we need to put sex back into marriage where God intended for it to be.
Tomorrow we will be voting at presbytery meeting on whether we will follow the word of God when it comes to sex or if Dear Abby, Oprah, and Rikki Lake will provide guidance for the church. The amendment states that anyone who is called to be ordained as a minister, elder or deacon agrees to be faithful to his or her marriage partner or if single agrees to refrain from engaging in sex. If a person says, I’m involved in this relationship and I refuse to repent of it, the person shall not be ordained.
Now Oprah and Abby may say, one’s personal sex life is his or her business and it shouldn’t affect their job. But God’s word says our sexual lifestyles are not only our business but also the business of the church. That is why we are to examine ourselves and each other. Not to blame and to point the finger, but to bring each other back to repentance and inside the will of God for our lives.
Jesus expected more of us than He expected of the world. I don’t condemn those outside the church for their sexual sin. They are doing exactly what’s expected. But we as Christians know better. We know that God has called us to a different way of living. God is asking us to repent so that He can provide us with the grace and strength we need to be as victorious over sex as we are over stealing, dealing and doing drugs, lying and all the other sins. Don’t rob your self, your church and your family from what God wants to do in your life in this area. If you’ve fallen Jesus is there and the church is there to say I love you, get up and let’s go in together in God’s forgiveness.
