Summary: Discussion of the pressures and blessings of being single. Emphasis on what causes singles to send of signals of desperation or contentment
S.O.S. FOR SINGLES
Desperate Households—Part 2
Let’s face it, our society puts enormous pressure on single adults to get married. Let’s take, for an example, the typical American female. By the time she is a toddler she has already been dragged to a wedding, and after the wedding, well-meaning relatives come up and grab her cheeks with a vise grip-like pull and they say, "Honey, one day you will make a beautiful bride." And the little typical American female toddles home. As she grows up she buys Barbie and Ken dolls, then well-meaning grandparents give her Barbie and Ken wedding outfits. Years roll by, she reads stories of handsome princes marrying beautiful maidens and they ride off in the sunset living happily ever after. When college hits, the pressure intensifies because the typical American female’s friend bolts into dorm rooms with her left hand extended showing the beautiful engagement ring and the not- so-excited-as-they-seem friends wonder down deep, am I next? And a subtle form of competition starts.
Now when you’re a Christian, that pressure just seems to multiply. Scriptures tell us that we can’t court and marry nonChristians, so that really cuts down the pool of eligible people. You’ve heard about this fad called “speed dating.” What would that look like if it was just Christians…
Roll “Sacred Single” Video
It is amazing, but our society gives those who are unmarried a lie, and we give them a marriage myth. We say, if you are married that will complete a life that is incomplete. If you are married it is like finding the missing ingredient in a recipe. And singles walk around feeling they are a bowl of Rice Krispies without that snap, crackle and pop. If I could only get married, that will do the job. And you believe that because of all the lies, all of the trash people give you.
You find yourself at wedding receptions jockeying for position like Hines Ward catching a pass so you can catch that elusive bouquet. And then there are the terrible, rude comments that relatives make, and well-meaning friends make. And you put all this together and you’ve got some serious pressure to deal with.
As time goes by…some single Christians start to feel desperate. It seems like some of them look desperate and transmit desperation. Like a ship that is sinking…they’re sending out signals of S.O.S. Mayday, Mayday. Others seem very content where they are and with what they’re doing. How about you? Are you transmitting SOS to every guy or gal you meet? It’s dangerous way to live.
But godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6 (NIV)
I MIGHT BE TRANSMITTING S.O.S. IF…
1. LONELINESS DRIVES ME
Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.
1 Corinthians 7:27 (NIV)
Many people assume when I get married I will never be lonely again. Many single adults believe that. Do you believe that? You see some of the loneliest people I know are married. And the most miserable people I know are not unmarried people who wish they were married, they are married people who wish they were single because they married the wrong person. Loneliness is something that many unmarried folks and married folks deal with. Why? Listen to me very carefully because I am going to say some things that might be a little bit complicated, but stay with me and you will get the gist of it.
God has wired us up for two types of relational yearnings. We have got to have two levels of companionship so to speak. The first level is something that most of us are conscious of. It is the level on which we yearn to have a deep friendship or a marriage or someone we are really close with. That is why we have friends, that is why God said after he made Adam, it is not good for man to be alone. So He created other people so we can relate to them. That is the first level.
The second level though is deeper than the first. The second level is relational yearning we have that can only be satisfied with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You see, we all have a hole in our soul that can only be satisfied by Him. You take level one yearning and level two yearning and you put them into a single’s life, you stir them up a little bit and, man, you have someone who is obsessed with finding Mr. or Ms. Right. They are on a spouse hunt and they will do anything just to get involved and to meet the right person, because they think it will cure their loneliness. "I am lonely now, if I marry this person, I will never be lonely again." So they meet this person, and the level one needs are getting satisfied and before they know it they are walking down the aisle saying, I do. Off to the honeymoon, and after about six months they start looking at each other and they start saying, "Wait a minute. I am still lonely, I was lonely before the marriage, and now I am lonely." And they start putting unrealistic expectations on their spouse because they think their spouse can meet these supernatural needs that only Jesus Christ can meet. Most unmarried people are unaware of this, they are unconscious of this second level, thus they are expecting a human being to meet those second level needs. And then they put stipulations on their spouse, demands on them, cutting them down. And then that relationship ends up in a train wreck and then they leap from that relationship like a giant frog, ribbit, ribbit, to another relationship.