Summary: This lesson continues the series "Where Does it Hurt?" by dealing with the man’s role in the family.


Ephesians 5:22-6:4

Scripture Reading: Matthew 7:9-11


1. We determined to look at these 5 areas:

a. What is the foundation?

b. What is the father/husband to be?

c. What is the mother/wife to be?

d. What is the child to be?

e. Then we can put them together and see what the family is to be.

2. Last time we identified the foundation of marriage as submission to God first and then to one another.

3. This week we will look at the father/husband job.

a. Now ladies, do not think that this means that you have this week off.

b. You should listen so that you can help your husband be who he should be.

c. Children, you should listen so that you know where your father is coming from when he deals with situations, and listen so that you can prepare yourself for your future families.

4. There are three things we want to emphasize as roles for the father/husband:

a. One is influence on the children The third is that of leader/lover

b. The second is that of leader/lover

c. The third is that of provider

5. Now do not get the wrong idea about the lover concept, romantic love is a very small part of the lover aspect of the husband/father role.

6. The husband/father role is crucial in families.

7. The aims of this lesson are to help up all better understand what makes a good husband and father so that we can be one or help our husband/father influence become better.

TRANSITION: How important is influence?

I. The influence of the father on his children.

A. Studies have been conducted to measure the influence of the father and the level of delinquency in the children.

1. In every instance there was a direct relationship found in which the father who spends more time with his family has less delinquent children.

2. Spending time with our families is critical in the development of respectful, God-fearing children.

3. Joan Lund’s research found that "The personality and background of the husband, not the wife, were the important factors in the success of a marriage."

4. Alexander Schneiders found, "Studies of delinquency repeatedly indicate that fathers are more influential than mothers in the development of delinquent behavior in their children."

5. Elizabeth Elliot’s work is the often cited study that showed that the father’s attendance in church is more determinative than is the mother’s.

1. She concluded, "If the father attends church regularly, the children will be more likely to attend regularly- regardless of the mother’s attendance record."

2. If you want your kids to go to church and consider God important in their lives, make it so in your lives, fathers.

B. The father’s role, as a parent, is critical in raising children who respect authority.

1. Yet we spend more time at work providing things than at home providing guidance.

2. Get home guys.

1. Spend that time with your children while you can.

2. When they are 15, 16 years old it is approaching too late to have the influence they need.

3. Take care of your family while it is impressionable.

4. Teach them what they need to learn.

C. Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

1. This charge is given directly to you as a father.

2. It is your job to raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

3. If you never see your children, how can you possibly raise your children in the instruction?

4. You cannot do it two or three days a week and never see them other than that.

5. God does not say that we are to pawn this job off on someone else.

1. It is my job as a father to bring up my children to love God.

2. My wife is my helper in this.

3. It is her job to help.

4. It is my responsibility to get the job done.

D. We saw earlier that the father’s personal influence is the most important factor in getting this job done.

1. Giving the kids all the toys in the world will not diminish our responsibility to performing this task.

2. The only way to avoid wrath for our children is to be with them teaching them love for and love of Christ.

TRANSITION: How do you come to that conclusion that I cannot have someone else do it for me?

II. Let us now look at the leader/lover role.

A. Again let me emphasize that this idea of lover is more deeply involved than the romantic concept.

B. It applies to both the wife and children.

C. Paul tells us that the father is the leader/lover, Ephesians 5:23, "For the husband is the head of the wife as the Lord is head of his church."

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