Here is a story from Max Lucado:
There is a time to speak. But there is also a time to be quiet. That’s what my father did. Dropping a fly ball may not be a big deal to most people, but if you are thirteen years old and have aspirations of the big leagues, it is a big deal. Not only was it my second error of the game, it allowed the winning run to score.
I didn’t even go back to the dugout. I turned around in the middle of left field and climbed over the fence. I was halfway home when my dad found me. He didn’t say a word. Just pulled over to the side of the road, leaned across the seat, and opened the passenger door. We didn’t speak. We didn’t need to. We both knew the world had come to an end. When we got home, I went straight to my room, and he went straight to the kitchen. Presently he appeared in front of me with cookies and milk. He took a seat on the bed, and we [ate] together.
Somewhere in the dunking of the cookies I began to realize that life and my father’s love would go on. In the economy of male adolescence, if you love the guy who drops the ball, then you really love him. My skill as a baseball player didn’t improve, but my confidence in Dad’s love did. Dad never said a word. But he did show up. He did listen up.
I am finding that sometimes just sitting with them one at a time (I have three sons) is important. Witnessing their thought processing, their evaluation of the world and their assessment of what happens throughout the day. Attentive parenting is often just about understanding that kids need us to love them and be there for them, in good times and bad times. We don’t have to have the answers, solve the problems, or even say the perfect thing. We just need to be there, silent but steady.
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