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My first major wall that I went through came when I got sober. But along the way, I ran into walls that now I know were just small ones. One of these had to do with my expectations of those that supposedly loved.

Through the years of drinking and using, I had developed some very unhealthy expectations for relationships. Actually, I really never developed healthy ones to replace the childish notions. Literally my notions of love were based on the unfulfilled needs of a child that suffered from a rejection of his mother. To be blunt, I was extremely needy. And no one really wants to have an intimate relationship with someone that is extremely needy unless that person is also extremely needy, which is a recipe for disaster.

In recovery, I had to confront my unrealistic expectations and replace those with the concept of unconditional love, which is what characterizes God’s love in Christ. At one point several months into sobriety, I became increasingly frustrated with God’s apparent lack of leading me into a committed relationship with a young woman. In short, I wanted a girlfriend but God didn’t seem to be providing any reasonable possibilities.

Finally, I stood before the wall and resigned to God. “God, I am going to trust that your way is best. Even if you desire me to live the rest of my life unmarried and celibate, then I will accept that. Your will be done not mine.”

I was completely resigned to God and accepted that perhaps this was not God’s plan. As a result, I stopped trying so hard to help God. I let go and let God handle the details. I accepted that God’s way was best. I focused on simply learning how to love others unconditionally. No expectations of possible dates or a possible future.

Remarkably, God in a few months did steer my path and the path of beautiful young woman together. We met, eventually started dating, fell in love, and married. Together we have also faced several walls but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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