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John the Baptist was a truly strange fellow.

I can imagine his performance review from the board of clergy examiners.

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Dear John ben Zechariah:

The board of examiners completed their visit and frankly were concerned about several matters pertaining to your person and ministry.

Our initial concern was your choice of location.

It seems to us that conducting religious services in the Judean wilderness is not very sensible.

People have to travel great distances to get there and there is an unacceptable level of danger traversing to and fro said location.

Furthermore, we were concerned about your unprofessional attire. We understand that Elijah wore similar camel hair vestments. But you are not Elijah!

It seems that you are turning religion into a matter of

entertainment and spectacle.

You also failed to treat our examiners in a professional and courteous manner.

When they attempted to enter into the rituals you were performing on people you singled them out for humiliation – referring to them as a "brood of vipers."

The ritual itself leaves much to be desired. If you had completed a degree in theology you would have undoubtedly realized that baptism is reserved for people converting to the one true faith.

Is it really necessary to baptize people who are already children of Abraham?

Finally, we are concerned about the general tone and tenor of your work. Your words are harsh. What these people really need is to be affirmed and encouraged. These are troubling times and your ministry does not do much to help people feel better or cope with the overwhelming pressures of modern life.

Therefore, we respectful request that you cease and desist...

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