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• Bargain basement upstairs.

• Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

• After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

• This is the gate of heaven. enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side door.)

• We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

• The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow.

• Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also.

• Slow cattle crossing. no overtaking for the next 100 yrs.

• Due to increasing problems with letter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order.

• Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

• Elephants please stay in your car.

• For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

• The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

• If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get...

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